Dear Earth-bound Readers,
My chronicler and biographer has recently returned from some business venture or other and has been irresponsible enough to neglect having a story about me ready beforehand. Shameful behavior. My apologies, since someone needs to be the adult here.
Please don't misunderstand me. I do appreciate Angel's efforts to recreate my adventures (and those of my crew as well, I suppose.) My heroic stands, such as the one against the Archidiot Michael, and my astounding victories (see the triumph over the Polyphemus) have been recounted fairly well. A bit more heroism and a bit less emphasis on the frantic parts would be preferable, but all in all, not too shabby.
I do want to clear something up, though. In moments of stress, I do not squeak, scream, whimper, or faint, e.g. in regard to frogs especially, and I very much resent the implication.
So please write to Angel and ask her to portray me in a more heroic, brilliant light with perhaps more emphasis on my impeccable sartorial choices and superior leadership skills.
Thank you, dear readers,