Ode To Charles

Time: Shortly after Beside A Black Tarn
Place: Aboard the Brimstone, docked on Triton Station
 
Shax took a deliberate sip of coffee. "Was it Charles or Georgette?"

"Uh, Charles." Verin had the decency to shuffle his big scaly feet in embarrassment.

The impressive spread of destruction kept Shax from managing more than mild annoyance. It really was exceptionally thorough. "You do know we need Charles to keep the air breathable in here."

"I said I was fucking sorry," Ver muttered.

"So you did. That didn't save Charles from your big, scaly feet."

One of the aforementioned big scalies toed a piece of Charles's broken carapace. "I was mad. He got in my way. Stomping happened."

Another sip. "I got you a punching bag for these occasions."

"That shit's just not the same."

Shax allowed a sideways glare at his long-time partner in crime. "Corny's angry with you, isn't he?"

Another foot shuffle and nudging of cleaner-bot pieces. "Yeah."

"Any thoughts on why Corny's not speaking to you?" The last was a bit of a logic leap, but Shax felt it wasn't an outrageous one given the circumstances.

Steam trailed from Ver's nostrils as he muttered about an old lady in a crowded passageway moving slowly and a certain Demon of Impatience losing his temper. Loudly. At her. Mutter mutter mumble… "So Corny's pissed."

"Hmm."

They both stared at the remains of Charles for a few silent moments.

"Shaxy?"

"Mmm?"

"What the fuck do I do?"

"That's the question, isn't it?" Shax sipped once more, thinking. I suppose I need to be captain here. He turned to face Verin, putting on his most imperious expression. "First, you're going to find Mac, explain what happened and apologize for the trouble. I think Charles's central core looks intact. Possibly. We'll let the qualified engineer make the call on whether poor Charles's rebuildable."

"That's not a real word," Verin muttered, probably out of habit.

"You," Shax poked a finger at Verin's chest. "Do not get to police my wordage right now. Next you're going to go to Corny and grovel. Say you're sorry, that you know you were wrong—"

"But--!"

"That you know you were wrong. And that you'll try to do better." Shax huffed out a breath. "Truly, for all of our sakes, mend things with your lovely cowboy and have some loud make up sex so we don't have these things happening."

"Okay," Verin mumbled to the floor.

"And you will write an Ode to Charles to apologize for wrecking him when he was just doing his job."

"WHAT?"

Shax did his best not to react to the bellow. A small cringe might have gotten away from him. "You heard me. This ode will be recited to Charles when he's repaired—or, barring that, before he goes into the scrap recycler—and in front of the crew."

"Fucking pits, Shaxy…"

"Get going." Shax stopped for a pointed sip of coffee. "You have a lot to accomplish, Mr. Lead Feet."

Verin stomped off in the direction of the engine room, muttering invective all the way. Fine, let him curse Shax all he wanted. But there was just enough frustration and embarrassment involved in his directives that maybe—just maybe—Ver would be less likely to destroy helpless bots in the future.

Or maybe Shax should ask Mac to add defensive capabilities to Charles and Georgette's repertoire.

After dinner that evening—after there had been a flurry of activity repairing and refurbishing Charles, after there had, indeed, been loud and, from the sounds of it, rather violent make up sex—Shax gathered the crew in the cargo hold with the shiny new version of Charles at their center.

"All right, Ver. Let's hear it."

"Come on, your annoying highness. Don't make me do this." Verin's jaw jutted defiantly, but his shoulders slumped.

"Just get it done, Ver." Corny bumped his shoulder. "Won't take but a minute."

"Fucking fine." Without meeting anyone's gaze, Verin began. "Ode to Charles:
You're a good bot
You do a lot
Sorry I got hot
Poems are fucking grot."

Heckle started to applaud, trailing off when no one else did. Several faces appeared to be fighting snickers. Julian looked on the verge of a stroke from holding it in. Charles simply beeped.

"Charley-kins says thank you," Ms. Ivana said with a verbal flounce. "But he wants a kiss."

"The fuck?" Verin gestured at the cleaner bot. "He's just a little sweeper. He can't fucking say things."

"Who speaks AI here, you or me, Meanie Bighorns?" Ivana snapped.

"Fucking deepest shit pits," Verin growled under his breath, but he bent and planted a quick kiss to the top of Charles's ocular module.

Charles pip-beeped and scurried away on his several mechanical legs.

"There. Was that so hard?" Shax made a show of straightening his jacket so he didn't have to look at Verin. Laughing at that moment? Probably hazardous.

Verin snorted a cloud of steam so thick that his head vanished. "Yeah. It was." He stomped out of the hold muttering about self-important little pricks and oversensitive electronics.

"I thought it was a good poem," Heckle offered.
​
"For Ver? An excellent poem indeed." Shax raised a finger before Heckle could continue. "But we shall never, ever recite it again."